pesan untuk dia..

I dont know surely, what’s the meaning of love ..

If you ask me, "what’s the meaning of love?", I would answer, "no meaning."

right, huh?  love means nothing.

Perhaps this can be defined in two meanings, the first, there’s no meaning in the sense that love is too beautiful so you don’t know what the meaning behind it, the second, love is just a glimpse of  wind, leaving too beautiful former, but went away without permission, becomes meaningless.

Why.. when I'm cool to enjoy my life, love came to me. Without permission and....yeah, without permission, entrance and settled in my heart. The fact, I can be angry and said, " hey you, go all the way there!you  came without permission!"

But unfortunately, I can’t.. because .. I enjoy it presence ..

I feel other than myself, I doze, I .. I .. I'm not in a conscious state ..

Honestly, just a chance meeting in a virtual world...it is virtual. Photos that he may deceive pairs, engineered photo editing, and the info that he gave me could be fake so he looks much more cool. I should be alert and aware, that I shouldn’t impose my feelings on this guy. May be he's a lunatic? psychopath? cannibal? I don’t know ..

But this is different, you know ... his picture is not too handsome, but certainly not bad ..

I know,  he's definitely more mature than me.

to be honest, it's hard to talk to him, really, the fact, I just need to type "hi" and then press enter, and my message will be sent to him.

Hhhhhh ... Inhale ... hold as long as possible ... hold ... hold ..

okay, I'm not longer able to hold in the count to 10.

dispose of waste ... .. I could die if held my breath too long.

then I just type, "hi"

... deg deg,, he's reply! he's reply!



And so on ... so on..it continue for several months. Honestly, I really enjoyed chatting with this person. I didn’t know he was tall, short, black, white, or whatever traits attached to him. I never knew. How do I know, I never meet face to face with him!

It sounds strange, but this is real, the strange fact that all of a sudden I was crazy about him, I adored him, I'm like obsessed with him. I'm willing to do anything ... anything .. as long as it always made him laugh. Even I feel, I like apart from my native personality, full of quiet and calm, become energetic, cheerful, and extra patient when he found it hard to understand me.

I never expressed my feelings to him .. not at all .. I just bury those feelings away, hoping it will go away by itself .. How could I dare to express my feelings to him, I'm a girl, remember? Rarely girls who dare to express his feelings on the guy. Especially if it wasn’t fear of rejection. Likewise with me.

Until one day, what I consider "catastrophe" is comes ..

Maybe you're happy when there is a guy who you like eventually find out that you liked him .. but, can you guess what happened next after the guy knew the girl’s feel?

".. please, don’t like me..don’t love me .."

please, don’t like me ... that was the first time he said. I don’t know, where he knew that I liked him, so I pretended to be stupid and say, "why you say like that suddenly?"

with a variety of reasons such as age, location, separated by oceans, and other reasons which I can’t continue to read it. It would be difficult to read with eyes that have been flooded by tears..

I wasn’t eager to continue chatting with him .. to be honest I'm confused, so confused .. if so, what does the meaning of all his attention? like you were stabbed by a samurai who smeared by honey, painful, but sweet when the full of honey samurai came in your mouth pierced and you feel  the honey ..

.. .. I'm not strong.. I’m weak .. What kind of guy he is ..? maybe he is not liked by girls.. but should he did like this?

the love that I feel (he) has finally left me (instead of leaving this world, but leave ME, only ME ..)

what can I do? huh? what can I do?

I lost him, and only cry...cry all day, as long as I can ..

if my eyes can scream, maybe it will scream “I’m tired!” because I always use it to cry, maybe he might not cry over me, just busy at work and college are pressed for time .. maybe even with another girl who is much prettier, taller, and more closely at his side ..

I block him, from the virtual world account, and from my mind ..

but I can‘t block him from my heart ..

I should be able to hate him, but to be honest, it's very hard to forget him (already 1 month 2 weeks we did not speak again), I always think of him, but I'm willing to bet, I swear, he must have forgotten me .. hhh ..

if I keep vent, typing here, maybe it will never end ..

I hope one day he opened this blog, to open these notes, read, meditate, and find out .. that I will always wait for him, I'll keep waiting ..

I waited for him not because I still love him, but I would like to request a password from him, so I can open my heart and block him, for ever and ever .. because only he ..

who knows ...

what the password ..